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Well it seemed to take ages, before our original parents got us out of our plastic skins. Richard said how we "must have been really hungry" as there was not one oat left in the box, or had those parsimonious Scots not put much in, he said not to repeat that!

Angela thought that we looked quite cold and damp and said we should sit by the fire a while to thaw out and know what a warm house was like; we don't get much of that white stuff that they call snow around here and we don't have deer and woolly mammoths grazing in the field next door. What we do have is the Dixons and he is our local wizard - a member of the secret hand shake society but we'd better not say anymore!

Angela was keen to celebrate, and said "let's have some bubbly", she knows that it is Mildred's favourite and soon she will be in Dubai and it is rationed out there, Patsy enjoyed hers too and said I had to drink something made out of bog water up north, still once you got it down you it really warmed up your insides, however Patsy agreed that Bollinger was best.

Mildred started shaking at that point, the thought of the UAE and what happens to expats out there, limited drink - no Bolly, no sex on the beach, hands cut off - not that I've got any, still the nuts gave us energy and then Angie spoiled everything by saying it was time for bed we had guests coming round and they didn't want to be seen up at this time by the Pinckos.

COMMENTS FROM THE KIDNAPPERS
Don't be too taken in with all those fancy tit-bits. Both of you always said to us that the wee dram that we gave you every night was far better than the grog that Angela panned off on you both back home in Blighty. Janis was so looking forward to having you with us for Christmas and helping Iain put up the Christmas Tree and placing all the presents under it along with having a good tipple of Drambuie to finish things off.
Have a good Christmas, where ever you are.