Adoption?

After many, many months of anguish Angela decided that the best option for Richard and her was to adopt two new hens. Here she is looking at two beautiful hens in a shop window in Fort William. It was a difficult decision to make and eventually she could not go through with the adoption. She still loves her hens and no other hen will do. She just wonders how they are getting on.

Oh Dear!

Oh dear poor Mildred and Patsy, what an experience you've had.
We were very envious when we heard that you were off to sunny climes and we wished we could come too, especially if it meant we could get away from the cold and the prospect of that cannibal - Iain from turning us into a prospective tasty meal.

Today on Pollo Hoy: MidEast Holiday Turns to Prison Coop!

In breaking news, Pollo Hoy has recieved the following communiqué from two chickens, Mildred and Patsy, who recently disappeared from a Woking home. It had been thought these two birds had been eaten, but having verified the authenticity of the following account, we now believe that they are alive, though far from well. We at Pollo Hoy believe that these birds are suffering an avian form of Stockholm Syndrome as they keep referring to various prison guards as 'grandparents' and 'parents'.

This is the story of Mildred and Patsy, in their own words:

Having perfected our English through contact with our kidnappers in Scotland and our grandparents in England, we were offered the opportunity to go with our adoptive parents to the Middle East to learn Arabic. We were; however, duped, as our parents speak only English and seem constitutionally incapable of learning a second language themselves, let alone teaching one to another species. Clearly the offer of a linguistic education was a ruse to take us further from our native land.

It is too late to do anything about the intellectual shortcomings of our new parents, so instead I shall recount the details of our journey, to serve as a warning to other birds in similar situations.

We left the bitter, unforgiving cold of England just before Christmas (our new parents were too excited about their brand new Christmas Mulberrys to remember to take a picture of us before our very first flight, which should have been our first warning that something was terribly, horribly wrong with these people). We were excited to fly, as that is our natural inclination, but less excited when we found out we would be travelling wrapped in tissue paper, locked up in a dark suitcase. At least we got to travel as carry on baggage and not in the hold. In the rush to get to the airport no one thought to offer us some Scottish oats and we both suffered terribly on the flight, though our hunger pangs turned to horror as we heard our parents ordering CHICKEN for dinner!!

When we finally arrived in our new home in Dubai, horror was added to horror when we were released from our Samsonite prison only to find ourselves faced with two of the most ancient enemies of our venerable species - CATS!!
These savage monsters have been stalking us since we arrived. It's only by taking turns sleeping that we have managed to escape becoming their meal. Between our chicken eating parents and their feline minions, we fear daily for our safety. Thankfully, the woman can barely boil water, let alone pluck and dress a bird.

We are currently plotting an escape from this family of fowl murders, but our inability to speak the native language combined with the constant presence of the cats has made an attempt impossible as of yet. We will send our next communiqué when it is safe to do so.

¡déme la libertad o déme la muerte (para los pollos)!

***

Editor's note: Mildred and Patsy also managed to smuggle this picture to us; further proof that they are still alive.


COMMENTS FROM THE KIDNAPPERS
Mildred, Patsy,: What have we done to you? After reading this diary entry we should never have sent you away southwards. You were happy here and got to visit some nice places in Scotland. You were also getting to enjoy eating your porridge every morning.

We are sorry we turffed you out of our home. We should never have listened to the Hennessay's. Please come back to us.
Yours peckingly, Iain & Janis

Christmas Feast

The previous "owners" of Mildred and Patsy had thoughts that we may be feeding them up for a Christmas feast... and requested their return.. briefly, before sending them further south in search of the warm sun.

Well, just to reassure them here is a photo of the other hens, George and Quintin, that we did manage to capture and fatten up ready for the big day. There was never any intention of roasting Mildred and Patsy because we already had our castrated boys' picked out from the local farm.



PS: Quintin is the hen on the left.

home

Well it seemed to take ages, before our original parents got us out of our plastic skins. Richard said how we "must have been really hungry" as there was not one oat left in the box, or had those parsimonious Scots not put much in, he said not to repeat that!

Angela thought that we looked quite cold and damp and said we should sit by the fire a while to thaw out and know what a warm house was like; we don't get much of that white stuff that they call snow around here and we don't have deer and woolly mammoths grazing in the field next door. What we do have is the Dixons and he is our local wizard - a member of the secret hand shake society but we'd better not say anymore!

Angela was keen to celebrate, and said "let's have some bubbly", she knows that it is Mildred's favourite and soon she will be in Dubai and it is rationed out there, Patsy enjoyed hers too and said I had to drink something made out of bog water up north, still once you got it down you it really warmed up your insides, however Patsy agreed that Bollinger was best.

Mildred started shaking at that point, the thought of the UAE and what happens to expats out there, limited drink - no Bolly, no sex on the beach, hands cut off - not that I've got any, still the nuts gave us energy and then Angie spoiled everything by saying it was time for bed we had guests coming round and they didn't want to be seen up at this time by the Pinckos.

COMMENTS FROM THE KIDNAPPERS
Don't be too taken in with all those fancy tit-bits. Both of you always said to us that the wee dram that we gave you every night was far better than the grog that Angela panned off on you both back home in Blighty. Janis was so looking forward to having you with us for Christmas and helping Iain put up the Christmas Tree and placing all the presents under it along with having a good tipple of Drambuie to finish things off.
Have a good Christmas, where ever you are.

the journey home

Wow, what a journey we have had, one moment we are nice and cosy with our tartan scarves having a warm toddy, next we are whisked off and covered in some strange plastic. Patsy thought we were being readied for some strange Scottish kinky sex ritual, hoots girl what an imagination you have!

Next we are being driven a short distance in that lovely motor, we always fall asleep from the refined sound and smoothness of that boxer engine and the warmth helps too.

We are not really sure what happened next, but we spent hours being shaken around with this strange noise, clickety clack, clickety clack, Patsy thought it was somebody sharpening a knife, but I said "eat your oats" and she calmed down.

We eventually fell asleep, although I do remember waking for a bit as we were being thrown around, then I heard "diesel, fill er upp" and things got really bad, what a smell and the rough noises of that squealing engine and no warmth.

It was then morning, as I could see daylight through the small hole in our box that Iain had kindly left for some air to get in. The postman was very kind and reassured us that we would soon be home, then there was the sound of a door bell and we were back at Oak Meadows.

COMMENT FROM THE KIDNAPPERS
We are so, so glad to see that you arrived safely back with Richard and Angela. Looks like you had a safe journey with that nice postman.

Going Home

We were most upset when Iain & Janis said that our owners, Richard and Angela, would like us to be home with them by Christmas but we know that we could not stay here forever.


We said our goodbyes and without much warning we were wrapped up in bubble wrap and put into a box and sent on our way back south. Janis put in some Porridge for the long journey home.


We are off to new adventures to warmer climates we hope.

Dundee - City of Discovery

We are very lucky hens because Janis and Iain took us with them to Dundee on holiday.

Here we are in our hotel room looking out onto the old dockland area of Dundee. We are not to keen on being up so high but Iain says that there is a glass partition between us and the big fall. I hope he is correct.

We had a great time here in Dundee and saw some other hens without their clothes on in a shop window. It was not a good idea in this cold place. Just to let you know that the shop was called Butcher.

We also made friends with one of daffy duck's playmates who had recently been found lost floating about the Thames as you can read in the linked article.

First signs of winter in Aberdeen

Hi everyone!

We arrived home safely after our fantastic weekend at Aberlour - see below for details.

We thought that the snow in Scotland would be fun but this white stuff is so awful. We were so cold Janis generously gave us a loan of her scarf to keep us warm while we were out side "enjoying" the snowy weather.

Iain says that we can stay inside and watch the Brazilian GP on Sunday as it looks like it will be a close run thing. We hope that LH wins the race and the championship. Lots of Hot Chocolate for us we hope.
Mildred & Patsy.

 

 

 

ADDED BY MUMMY
Dear Mildred and Patsy
Mummy has been a bit poorly recently and has only just seen the photos of your trip to Abelour wth 'Uncle Iain' and 'Auntie Janis'.What lucky little girls you are to be taken on such a nice outing although I think I will have to have a word with 'Uncle Iain' about letting you have too much to drink.I hope he wasn't tipsy as well,Being Scottish he can take his drink much better.(Although I have seen him when he is a bit worse for wear and he can be quite naughty,so be careful.he might get you into mischief)
When the time comes and you have to go out to Dubai you will find it difficult if you have got used to having a wee dram every day.At the moment the people in Dubai have a bit of a bad impression of English young ladies after a little bit of 'naughtiness' took place on the beach out there.I would like to send out my two well brought up gels to show that not all English girls are randy little chavs.Sorry about the language I hope you are not blushing too much.
I must say you look very warm and snuggly in your mufflers .Not your colour though,clashes with your plumage.I can tell by your body language that you are just putting on brave little faces,but beaks up you might be able to come back to us soon if we can persuade 'Uncle Iain ' and 'Auntie Janis' to let you come.Apart from anything else I am worried about your looks as well as your being lured into a drinking habit.Too much whisky might turn your feathers the same colour as 'Uncle Iain's' funny hat.If you turn that colour you will never be found if you were to wander off into the desert.I'm pretty sure that I can persuade them.I can appeal to their Scottish nature.We are in the middle of a credit crunch and I'm sure they won't want you eating them out of house and home.
I've just had a terrible thought!Be brave little ones! If they start giving you lots to eat, resist.Christmas is coming and if money is short they may be fattening you up as a change from turkey.
Oh my goodness .We must get you away as soon as possible.I will see what I can do.
I am going away for a couple of days tomorrow but as soon as I get back I will see about getting you home.
Lots of love to you both.Give 'Uncle iain' and 'Auntie Janis' a peck on the cheek from me too.

Autumn Weekend in Aberlour

Hello again Angela and Nigel. It has taken us a wee while to get used to staying with the Camerons but we are well settled now. We had a super weekend away recently when we travelled to Aberlour and stayed at the Dowans Hotel. Aberlour is well known for its whisky so we were very keen to try it. Needless to say, we got a little bit tipsy after drinking a few glasses of the stuff. Iain made us both walk all the way back to the hotel just to try and sober us up.

Winter is nearly here in these parts so we have asked Janis if we can get some extra clothing when the snow arrives.

Arriving at Aberlour

We "doo0" look happy

At the Aberlour Distillery

Our Escape from the Hennessy's - September 08

Here we are on our trip to Scotland. We were kept in a very warm dark place for 6 hours before being let out by our captor. We were told the place was Skipton. Thank goodness for some fresh air.

From Hens

From Hens

Somehow we managed to sleep the night at a very posh place called the Devonshire Arms in Yorkshire but it was no-where near Devon. I think our captors were trying to confuse us.

From Hens

Here we are with one of our captors in what we are told will be our new home for some time to come. Don't know where we are!

From Hens

We will keep you up to date with our adventures on a regular basis. keep taking a peek at thes web page for any updates.

See the top right of this web page to click on a link (Follow this blog )that will ensure you do not any updates to this page. PS: We haven't been fed yet.


HERE, BELOW,IS AN UPDATE FROM MILDRED & PATSY'S CARERS.

Dear Mildred and Patsy
It is good to see you both looking so well. Now,don't be scared but you are in Scotland!!A lovely couple called Mr.and Mrs Cameron are looking after you for a while. Sometimes Mr Cameron may look a bit scary when he wears that funny hat with red hair but he is quite harmless.

I think it will do you good to be away from Surrey for a little while. It will broaden your horizons before we send you both out to Dubai to meet your new family in the spring next year.It will get a bit colder than you are used to but I am sure Mr Cameron will put on his central heating once it starts to snow. Oh sorry ,you don't know what snow is do you. You'll love it.I look forward to a picture of you playing in it.

Now be good and remember your manners for Mummy and Daddy.

Loving pecks